jueves, 1 de octubre de 2009

Tenemos que hablar...

Hace unos días mientras jugaba fútbol, vi particularmente mas acelerado que de costumbre a un compañero de equipo. Gritaba, hacia gestos, insultaba al rival y a los compañeros… total era una bomba de tiempo a punto de explotar.


Cuando ya acabó el juego y casi unos minutos después de intentar pelear con un rival, me le acerque y entre la duda y la burla le pregunté: ¿Qué te pasa maje, te peleaste con tu mujer? A lo que él me contestó casi con la voz entrecortada… No peor aun… me dijo que "teníamos que hablar"…


"Tenemos que hablar" es una pequeña oración, que hasta por inofensiva podría pasar, pero lleva encerrada tantas cosas que al comentárselo a otros compañeros la reacción siempre fue la misma…(yyyyy…ya la cagaste…)


En este blog estamos preocupados por el bien de la salud mental de nuestros lectores, es por eso que les presentamos 3 casos recurrentes de "tenemos que hablar" así como soluciones para salir del atolladero.


Caso 1
Este primer caso también podría llamarse "caso leve". Imagínate que estas en lo mejor de del besuqueo en las gradas de la casa de tu novia y de repente ella para en seco y te dice… "tenemos que hablar"… - prosigue con un cruel- …si querés que sigamos vas a tener que pedirle permiso a mi papá…


Este es el momento justo en que tu novia ha decidido que dejaste de ser el amiguistillo con el que se besaba a convertirse en el novio el cual sus padres tendrán derecho a fiscalizar, interrogar y culpar por cualquier "cosita" que le pase a su querida hijita.


Que hacer?:


Huir por tu vida ya que no estas listo para un compromiso o si de verdad te gusta la bicha…hacerle honor a tu hombría. Conseguirte un buen habano o vino para el suegro, unas flores para la suegra y unos dulces o un libro para los cuñados (depende de la edad) ponerte tu mejor camisa dominguera, de preferencia bañarse y limpiarse las orejas…preparar un buen discurso y rogar a los dioses que el suegro te acepte y no murás…en el intento

Caso 2


Como en el caso de mi amigo de fútbol, este es el caso más común de "tenemos que hablar" el conocido hoy me mandan al carajo... Imagínate con una relación estable con algún tiempo funcionando y de repente se estanca o pelean seguido o ya de perdida conoce a alguien y…raz!! "Tenemos que hablar".


En este caso, el panorama es bastante obscuro por que parece que la relación: ya parió, se fue al cajón de los recuerdos, se acabuche, la palmó, la durmió, se esfumo se finiquitó, está muerta, terminada y acabada osea en pocas palabras ese día cuando hablen te mandarán irremediablemente a la m…fregada!


Que hacer?


Pues no hay mucho que hacer mas que salir de vivo y cortarla antes que ella empiece con el discurso de "no eres tu soy yo" o vos te mereces a alguien mejor que yo o la clásica hay que darnos tiempo para conocer a mas personas. Antes que emita cualquier tipo de palabra ponzoñosa salís vos y le decis sutilmente…."que buena esta tu hermana" o un cariñoso… "esos jeans son igualitos a unos que tenia mi ex…solo que a ella se les veían mejor las nalgas"… o la campeona en medio del beso apasionado antes que te manden al carajo que se te escape sin querer…el nombre de la mamá… seguramente te mandara siempre al chorizo pero con un coraje para álbum …y super ardida…


Caso 3


Este caso es el mas peligroso y temerario y comienza con repentino antojo o algún vómito furtivo o un…"mira que lindo ese bebe" el presentimiento es terrible la sensación invade tu cuerpo de punta a punta, haces cálculos y meditas…chispas hace como 2 meses que no compramos "con alitas" en el super…escalofrío, vértigo, mareos…pensamientos suicidas… te serenas –no, no pasa nada- te reís vos solo… y en medio de la noche cuando logras conciliar el sueño, suena el teléfono, oís una voz llorando del otro lado y la frase mas maldita de todas…."gordo…tenemos que hablar"

En este caso pues ojalá que tengas un buen trabajo, que seas responsable, que tengas algunos ahorritos, que penses a corto plazo en tener familia y que el suegro no tenga cargada el arma a la mano cuando le digas: "disculpe querido suegro, pero le tengo una sopresa ya no le llamaré suegro…mejor le diré "papá" o mejor aun… le diré "Abue".

Que hacer?


Nada mas hacerle… huevos…revueltos en la mañana a la futura madre de tu hijo, habanos para los amigos y a festejar que Dios te regaló descendencia… te veo en la Moda Parisiense, en el centro buscando cunas, en los baby shower de pañales, en los "Tés" de traje y pintando en la casa de tus papas, el cuarto del niño con el que pronto serán tres….


Espero que estos consejos prácticos te sirvan en la vida para la próxima vez que te digan "hey mirá, tenemos que hablar" los podas usar aun que tampoco hay descartar la opción de huir por un par de semanas a algún remoto lugar donde no pegue el teléfono…


En fin que terrible es escuchar tan temida frase…y vos ya la haz usado?

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Anónimo dijo...

Mirá, creo que tenemos que hablar. Estos tus blogs están mal aconsejando a la mara jajajaja.

Buenísimo, hoy sí me reí con todo.

Alguna cosa me habrá recordado jajaja

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jajajaja que muerto de la risa... lo unico que en el segundo caso, si alguien sigue tu consejo, puede salir sin dientes.....

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mmm a me pega divino ya q acabo de utilizar esa frases :s, conste q no te preocupes q no seras tio porq no era el tercer caso sino el segungo y efecticamente q si me salia con uno de tus consejos esta es hora q estaria colgado de la chulana para poderlo ver todas las mañanas jajajajaja
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Ya me hizo reir amiguito...está bueno!
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Jajajajaja

Esa frase es muy buena, yo ya la use un par de veces y de verdad asusta

Por cierto te odio, todavia recuerdo cuando la usaste conmigo.

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